5 Love Languages of Teenagers - Words of Affirmation
I’m reading The 5 Love Language of Teenagers by Dr Gary Chapman and I’d like to share some alternatives for those people who find it hard to say “I love you” or “I love you” is kinda losing its impact. He states that all teens need Words of Affirmation even if it’s not their love language.
Yesterday I checked on my daughter’s grades and she got F’s on 3 assignments. I asked her about it and she said “Ma, that was during the week where I was really sick and couldn’t function”. She was confused with what was due when and was just struggling to get through the week.
Usually I get on her and tell her she better get it together because college is two years away and blah blah about her GPA. I decided this time I would take a different approach. So I told her “okay hun I know you’ll get a handle on this. Let me know how I can help”. Honestly I noticed an instant change in her attitude. It’s almost like knowing I trusted her to turn it around, gave her the confidence she needed.
She was also never able to get herself up in the morning and I always found myself frustrated that I had to open her door and be like, "Um, what's the deal did you sleep through your alarm?" This year I told her that I wasn't going to wake her up. If she slept through her alarm she would have to suffer the consequences of being late to school.
Here's an example how to give words of affirmation and encouragement - other than "I love you". Now that she's driving herself to school, and she has the new responsibility of driving her friend to school, she has been doing great with getting herself up every morning. So today I sent her a text that said "Honey, I so appreciate that you've been getting up on your own every morning! I know it's not easy".
Here are some other examples from the book: Here are just a few...
- Take a favorite piece of artwork or special note from your teenager to be professionally framed. Then hang it on in your home or office.
- Talk about a goal your teenager would like to reach and verbally encourage them to explore it.
- Make a habit of mentioning something specific you've observed that highlights your teenager's accomplishments.
Just thought I’d throw that out there as an aha moment for me and hopefully it can help someone else.
Up next...5 Love Languages - Physical Touch
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