Why Being A Mom Sucks
I chuckle and nod my head in agreement as I read Adele’s most recent Vanity Fair article about being a mother. She says “I love my son more than anything, but on a daily basis, if I have a minute or two, I wish I could do whatever the fuck I wanted, whenever I want. Every single day I feel like that.”
I have felt this way every other day for the past 16 years.
Even though the guilt forced me to keep these thoughts to myself, there are many days I want to run away to a deserted tropical island. Well not completely deserted because I would need someone to re-apply my sunscreen every two hours, prepare (and feed me) healthy meals and snacks, bathe me after a long day in the sun, read me a story, etc. I think I’ll bring a mom with me to my deserted island.
Anyone who knows me knows I am completely gaga over my kid and I’d take down a grizzly if I had to protect her; but you have so many conflicting feelings when you’re a mom.
In the article, Adele [referring to motherhood] also says to a friend "I fucking hate this" and her friend bursts into tears and says "I fucking hate this too".
I admire Adele and young mothers like her, for telling it like it is. I wish I could have expressed myself more openly back when my daughter was young. Maybe it would have helped me cope by alleviating the pressure. Or maybe it would have motivated me to make my fantasy, of running away to a deserted island, a reality. Instead, I put a smile on my face every day and muscled through it…because that’s just what moms do.
The “I’m Clueless” Stage
I don’t know about you, but motherhood was not instinctual for me. When my daughter was born, I was so pissed at the moms that came before me because no one told me how difficult this was going to be.
A little warning would have been nice people!
Maybe it was only difficult for me because I was so clueless? Motherhood was a huge learning curve. In the beginning I was in a constant state of “WTF! – This is so hard! Why didn’t anyone tell me how hard this was going to be?”
When you become a mom, those early years are the toughest. The conflict between overwhelming feelings of happiness and love coupled with intermittent feelings of panic and anxiety, brought me to my knees on several occasions. I can remember striving to stay three steps ahead of my daughter in an effort to bypass any potential mishap that could leave her disfigured or worse – I shudder at the thought.
As a new mom you wake up one day, and during a lucid moment you realize, gone are the days of enjoying; solitary moments deep in thought about yourself and your own troubles; regular showers; solitary moments deep in thought about anything; warm meals; solitary moments, manicured anything; solitude. It becomes clear it’s sooo not about you anymore.
The “I Got This” Stage
When you become a mom those early years are also the most precious. Gone are the days of feeling alone while wandering the world with no purpose. Now you’re someone’s mom and you’re super-human. You’ve got to show your child (and the world) you’ve got this mommy “shtick” under control and you throw on your cape!
Gone are the days of wondering if you will ever find true love because you have finally found – in the famous words of Whitney Houston – ‘the greatest love of all’. A love that has no beginning and no end, it’s just an aura that encapsulates you and your offspring for eternity. It’s a love that was incomprehensible until you felt the first kick in your stomach, or saw that precious face for the first time, or held those tiny hands in yours, or lingered on that sweet baby smell.
Hold on to those feelings because you’re gonna need em’…and soon.
You sail through the toddler years, preschool, and grade school. Your confidence as a mom at this point is at its peak and you are gloriously happy you made it this far without accidentally losing them in a crowded festival or unintentionally killing them. All their limbs are attached, and they are doing well in life because you’ve taught them the fundamentals. Great job mommies!
Pat yourself on the back for all of thirty seconds and then bam – adolescence strikes.
The “Why Some Animals Eat Their Young” Stage
(My dear friend’s favorite punch line after one of our kids did something ridiculous)
Just when you think you’ve got this mommy thing down their hormones drop. I recommend keeping those baby pictures up on the walls to serve as a constant reminder of when you first fell in love with this child. When you become the mom of a teenager, you’ll need to dig deep and pull from that love so you don’t lose your s*** when they are ripping your heart out and stomping all over it with their teenager attitudes.
If you’ve done your job right though, you won’t have too many struggles as the mom of a teenager. The key is not to throw in the towel. Keep that smile plastered on your face. Exercise extreme patience. Give them enough leeway (in moderation), while still maintaining the same structure they are familiar with. They need it. They don’t know they need it. They’ll sometimes hate you for needing it but with all of the changes they are going through, they need their moms to maintain normalcy.
Being a mom of a teenager is like walking a tightrope over the Grand Canyon and frankly, my equilibrium is shot! But we have to “keep it together” for a few more years even though we may be struggling with our own set of newly dropping hormones.
Just like the day we brought our precious babies home from the hospital, it’s important to remain flexible and open as they move into each new stage of their lives.
Even though it sucks to be a mom sometimes, I have loved every single second of it. This child has taught me more about love and acceptance, than anyone else I’ve ever known.